where is it going?

Wow, so a whole fucking week into September and I barely even noticed August sneaking by on me.

So yeah, three months without a cigarette (plus a little), two months plus living at Mom's; neither are causing problems, but I still have a ways to go getting used to the latter.  Either everything over the move and stuff has finally caught up with me, or maybe I'm coming down with something, but I've felt like hell most of the week.

Oh wow ...and as to my "Dizzydude" moniker, I guess it's probably worth mentioning a bit about my last doctor visit with a new neuro-otologist.  First doctor ever to actually say the words (not even at the Mayo), but he said it:  "You've suffered a brain injury somewhere down the line."

One of these days I ought to run through my Mayo Clinic observations and such, but one thing that was abundantly clear at the time was that I wasn't given the full spectrum of what was available.  Not that I really think they would have come up with anything different if they had done more ...just that at that particular point in time, they didn't give it their all because I apparently wasn't giving things my own "all."  When I read through the doctor transcripts, it was painfully obvious with two of the doctors since they remarked less about my actual condition and more about how I needed to quit drinking, smoking, and (this one kills me to this day) taking valium.

The valium part really hit hard, because I wasn't even complying with the frequency that the doctor who prescribed it told me to take it.  Drinking and smoking ...yeah, those needed to go and have since gone; drinking is down to practically nothing for nearly three years, smoking on and off for the same amount of time.  Valium usage goes up and down, but I seldom take it more than 2-3 times a week (and that's breaking the pills in half or quarters).  It's the only fucking thing that WORKS even moderately well ...not a single treatment since day one has done anything (and anyone who has spent much time around me knows that I'm NOT "anxious" in the clinical "anti-anxiety" sense that the primary usage of the drug is reserved for).  But the obvious thing when looking at a guy who drinks and smokes is that giving him another drug to be addicted to is probably a bad idea.  In the spirit of the statement, they're probably correct overall.

Apparently the new doc could read the "sub-text" in the doctor notes as well though, and took a bit of interest in the fact that although I had quit all the vices that I had still held onto at the time of the initial Mayo visit, that my reasons for stopping them had absolutely nothing to do with any sorts of "bottom" or any other health-related reason except the mere "it just cost too much freaking money that was better spent elsewhere."  The exception being smoking, but I had even quit that twice for more than six month stretches.  Living with Mom, and Mom having cancer ...starting again just isn't going to happen and I gather the doc realized that as well.

Ah well ...life goes on, but my time on the laptop will not for now.