More energy on e-crushes, and less thought on the blog I guess; I'm glad I wrote today's last night. I think I'm finally starting to get past my initial shock with Domino; we'll see if/when she writes. Is the infatuation because she is so frickin' cute, because I like her writing, or because she obviously seems to like me and mine?! ...and this begs the question of course, as to how in the world can I be acting like this when I've only known her a couple of days.
Absence will do wonders for me I bet though ...given that today is her birthday, I bet it will be tomorrow before I hear from her. If she writes to my regular e-mail, then I guess I can start tying myself into knots again but geez. Get a grip dude, it's only been a few days!
The hours are creeping by here with Dad; he actually seems to be a little bit better today at least. He's actually working in his puzzle book a little bit, and he's actually been watching tv for a change.
interesting.
Even more interesting is that I sat down and wrote something kinda poetic yesterday ...I had hope in mind, not anything directly with me (at least, I don't think so). I hadn't thought of Valort in years, but it helps to have a nice fake name so I can put "plausible deniability" in place at least.
For all our days of living blue
ignoring ways the heartache grew
we ventured gave and lost anew
yet still it seems astounding
When all we wish is touch of bliss
the smell of past will sound amiss
the sight of truth so tastes of piss
we trick ourselves to trusting
Ignoring help the godless sends
awaiting crime despairing mends
the last past time that present rends
to pieces neverlasting
While other ways we flaunt our dreams
in spite of all our thought it seems
no matter what the heart may scream
the silence is exhausting
-Reyd Valort
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Friday, August 8, 2008
first date follies
So let me see. I keep thinking of one of my fellow bloggers on AFF whose page header states "Come to the dark side ...we have cookies!"
So now I get to write a rather dark blog. damn ...and I do try to avoid this sort of thing, but I guess I just want to work it out of my system a little bit.
So I had a date last night with a fellow (local) blogger ...we went to see the new Batman on IMAX! I can tell you loosely that it was a great movie, but only in kind of a general way. I'll go into that a bit more later.
The date went so-so ...I find myself wanting to make a few excuses about my behavior, but let's just say I wasn't an "ideal" date by any stretch. Had I not bought the tickets way in advance, I probably would have done the rain check thing because I really haven't been feeling all that up to snuff all week even. I saw my therapist yesterday, and she even thought I would have done myself a favor to cancel for the date.
Like I said, I already had the tickets though, and we already had to put it off once due to not being able to get tickets last weekend.
I'm irked even more that I probably appeared quite "normal" to her, although certainly far from the same guy she was expecting from my blogland "persona." I'm sure part of this is just me beating on myself a little bit because I perceive myself as being a little worse company than I could have/should have been. I doubt it though.
Now I really expected for the movie to knock my dizziness way into high gear; the last time I did IMAX ...Linda about had to carry me out in a teacup. Journey to the Center of the Earth in 3D had me down for DAYS afterward. About the only thing I could figure with how well I did with "Dark Knight" was that perhaps I just had SUCH a sensory overload, my brain just wasn't able to process very well, so I didn't get "stuck" in anything. Who knows?! My illness is such a fucking mystery to everyone, about the only thing consistent about it is the inconsistency.
Point is, I don't remember all that much about the movie today. Talk about a WTF moment for a guy who is used to having an almost photographic memory in bygone years. I know that when my dizziness kicks in, other areas suffer ...speech and short term memory are the most common things; my speech often gets pretty "slurry" when I have really bad spells, and my cognitive abilities often go out the window. I'm just really having a hard time with THIS one though ...I don't recall my memory ever taking such a huge hit without my dizziness being off the charts as well. The movie itself has an almost dreamlike quality today; VERY weird!
As for the date itself; D was very sweet! We are at polar opposites on the political spectrum though. Sweet though she may be, she really isn't someone I would "hang with" under normal circumstances (and I guess first dates help us figure that out, so it wasn't a total washout in that regard). I was a bit horrified when we met at the theater to find that I had a REALLY bad case of bad breath, and no breath mints in site (I really thought about going to find something at the candy counter, but finding a good seat in the IMAX is so difficult as it is; I didn't want to get up for much of anything short of a fire! I beat her there by a full half hour, and passed the time idly chatting with the two ladies sitting beside me. Fun times!
The movie was good, although the IMAX was a bit overwhelming (even D mentioned that she had to look away quite often). After the movie, we tried driving around a bit to find a decent place to eat, but since neither of us was exceptionally familiar with the area, we ended up just settling on Whataburger.
This is where things went downhill. D doesn't like to discuss politics ...and for good reason. For one, she's a hell of a lot smarter than I am on the subject and 2 ...she's more the type who is all about totally free-market. I know quite a few like that, and no matter what well thought out the arguments are that I hear on it ...I just don't buy them. They sound great in theory, but I just don't see it working in actual practice (and the die-hard folks do an apologetic tap-dance that Christian apologetics would be proud of). I truly believe that our current administration is letting big oil pull pretty well all the strings in government & energy policy. I just HAD to go there ...and it didn't go over well. She knows politics ...I know alternative energy and engineering. She thinks big oil is an unfairly persecuted business ...I named off two alternatives that are not only economically viable and available ...but cheaper as well.
She called it conspiracy theory, but admitted she didn't know enough about it to come up with a good response.
And it probably didn't help that I may have sounded like a crazy person, and didn't take her cues to shut the fuck up about it.
*sigh*
Well, that there won't be a second date is a given ...and BOTH of us will be fine with that. But still. I need to drop her an e-mail or something and apologize, but I'm not quite sure how to do it.
what to say.
blah!
I think I feel a good drunk coming on tonight.
So now I get to write a rather dark blog. damn ...and I do try to avoid this sort of thing, but I guess I just want to work it out of my system a little bit.
So I had a date last night with a fellow (local) blogger ...we went to see the new Batman on IMAX! I can tell you loosely that it was a great movie, but only in kind of a general way. I'll go into that a bit more later.
The date went so-so ...I find myself wanting to make a few excuses about my behavior, but let's just say I wasn't an "ideal" date by any stretch. Had I not bought the tickets way in advance, I probably would have done the rain check thing because I really haven't been feeling all that up to snuff all week even. I saw my therapist yesterday, and she even thought I would have done myself a favor to cancel for the date.
Like I said, I already had the tickets though, and we already had to put it off once due to not being able to get tickets last weekend.
I'm irked even more that I probably appeared quite "normal" to her, although certainly far from the same guy she was expecting from my blogland "persona." I'm sure part of this is just me beating on myself a little bit because I perceive myself as being a little worse company than I could have/should have been. I doubt it though.
Now I really expected for the movie to knock my dizziness way into high gear; the last time I did IMAX ...Linda about had to carry me out in a teacup. Journey to the Center of the Earth in 3D had me down for DAYS afterward. About the only thing I could figure with how well I did with "Dark Knight" was that perhaps I just had SUCH a sensory overload, my brain just wasn't able to process very well, so I didn't get "stuck" in anything. Who knows?! My illness is such a fucking mystery to everyone, about the only thing consistent about it is the inconsistency.
Point is, I don't remember all that much about the movie today. Talk about a WTF moment for a guy who is used to having an almost photographic memory in bygone years. I know that when my dizziness kicks in, other areas suffer ...speech and short term memory are the most common things; my speech often gets pretty "slurry" when I have really bad spells, and my cognitive abilities often go out the window. I'm just really having a hard time with THIS one though ...I don't recall my memory ever taking such a huge hit without my dizziness being off the charts as well. The movie itself has an almost dreamlike quality today; VERY weird!
As for the date itself; D was very sweet! We are at polar opposites on the political spectrum though. Sweet though she may be, she really isn't someone I would "hang with" under normal circumstances (and I guess first dates help us figure that out, so it wasn't a total washout in that regard). I was a bit horrified when we met at the theater to find that I had a REALLY bad case of bad breath, and no breath mints in site (I really thought about going to find something at the candy counter, but finding a good seat in the IMAX is so difficult as it is; I didn't want to get up for much of anything short of a fire! I beat her there by a full half hour, and passed the time idly chatting with the two ladies sitting beside me. Fun times!
The movie was good, although the IMAX was a bit overwhelming (even D mentioned that she had to look away quite often). After the movie, we tried driving around a bit to find a decent place to eat, but since neither of us was exceptionally familiar with the area, we ended up just settling on Whataburger.
This is where things went downhill. D doesn't like to discuss politics ...and for good reason. For one, she's a hell of a lot smarter than I am on the subject and 2 ...she's more the type who is all about totally free-market. I know quite a few like that, and no matter what well thought out the arguments are that I hear on it ...I just don't buy them. They sound great in theory, but I just don't see it working in actual practice (and the die-hard folks do an apologetic tap-dance that Christian apologetics would be proud of). I truly believe that our current administration is letting big oil pull pretty well all the strings in government & energy policy. I just HAD to go there ...and it didn't go over well. She knows politics ...I know alternative energy and engineering. She thinks big oil is an unfairly persecuted business ...I named off two alternatives that are not only economically viable and available ...but cheaper as well.
She called it conspiracy theory, but admitted she didn't know enough about it to come up with a good response.
And it probably didn't help that I may have sounded like a crazy person, and didn't take her cues to shut the fuck up about it.
*sigh*
Well, that there won't be a second date is a given ...and BOTH of us will be fine with that. But still. I need to drop her an e-mail or something and apologize, but I'm not quite sure how to do it.
what to say.
blah!
I think I feel a good drunk coming on tonight.
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