Killer Cockers and Killjoys

I was thinking about another event at that job that is probably worthy of retelling (I hate to actually say the name of the major retailer I worked at for 10 years of my life, but it rhymed with "Montgomery Ward Automotive").

We had a salesman there that was a little bit on the odd side, and most of us had a lot of fun fucking with him ...and he was just so damned easy to fuck with, too (he really did have a good sense of humor about it though)! I worked a graveyard shift once for approximately 3 months; I can't say as I really remember much about it because I was so zombified all the time ...but this salesguy (I'll call him "CK") had worked graveyard his entire career up to coming to work at Wards. Graveyard folks are really quite the little subculture; CK never really could get back into the swing of actually sleeping at nights, so maybe that contributed to his oddness a little bit.

One morning CK came in and he was absolutely FURIOUS about something that had happened to him that morning (night?!). He had gone to the post office at like 2AM to drop some bills in the mail or something, and when he was walking back out to his car, the "event" occurred.

A dog ...a really big Rottweiler was in his owners pickup with the windows rolled down. Now CK was kinda scared of dogs; petrified by them actually. I don't think the poor guy could really fathom the fact that dogs can sense that kind of thing. Now of course, I'll never really know the whole story ...only what he told everyone; but I'll try to make the long story a bit shorter.

1) He sees dog unattended in pickup with windows down and freezes.

2) Dog sees him freaking out and jumps out of the window to go see what's up.

3) He runs and the dog follows, cornering him in and empty parking spot between two parked cars and the wall.

4) Owner comes out and calls the dog, horrified CK is so freaked out and can't apologize enough.

Okay, a few key points. CK came right out and said the dog never growled or snapped ...HE told us the owner said the dog was very friendly and had never done anything like that before. HE admitted to freaking out FIRST, and that running may not have been the wisest idea.

BUT ...he was still just absolutely PISSED at the owner of the dog for having the windows down. He threatened to call the cops, and said that dog "might have really hurt someone" ...and he just went on and on about how he chewed the poor guy out. The dog owners present were largely telling him they thought perhaps he over-reacted a bit TOO much ...but CK was still pissed as hell, and there wasn't much of anything anyone could do or say. ...and ol CK was telling EVERYONE about it, too! Every time I turned around, he was regaling someone new with the story.

About lunchtime, the next shift came in, and I had just finished my car and was about to head to lunch ...I walked through the breakroom to the bathroom and there was CK going into the story for the 75th time to all the guys on the late shift.

...as I was walking through, I shouted over my shoulder "Hey guys! ...Hey CK ...are you telling that Cocker Spaniel story again?! ...or has it grown to a ROTTWEILER by now?!"

As the door slammed behind me, I heard a room full of guys nearly falling out of their chairs they were laughing so hard. CK opened the door ...flipped me off, and stormed out!

I'm so bad.